White Tears: Lost in Illusion

 

I hold affection for you in my heart since I saw you first,

since then, there is this attraction, this undeniable thirst.

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Within me there is this painful desire,

it is like a never ending fire.

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Your powerful spirit shines unique and bright,

knowing well how to love and to handle me right.

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You are strong and are able to protect me,

I want to be a hero, oh will you let me?

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As the white lady I am standing strong and high,

but within myself, when it comes to romance, I am vulnerable and shy.

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One might think we hardly talked and I don’t know you,

but really, we have spent many life times as lovers, this I wanted to show you.

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Now all seems finished before we ever started,

I should have never departed.

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You chose ignorance and silence to tell me what you want,

I honour and accept this, despite this loving spiritual bond.

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But let me tell you how this hurts,

as I wrote before: "I am bruised by the unspoken words."

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Before you took that choice,

should you have not given me a voice?

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I can forgive and forget and welcome you with open arms,

how could I possibly resist your charms?

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Forgive me if I hurt you and have done something wrong,

I apologize for it, it was meant with love, all along.

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I searched for you, my darling, to return you home, side by side,

you don’t understand this, but it’s not a solution to hide.

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I see it is a challenge to clear the issues and to fight,

especially when you don’t know what is right.

 

​Why don’t you turn to me with your questions and fears?

I am loving and sweet, I would dry your tears.

 

​What you are suddenly faced with, are shockable news,

you might be confused by who I am and my "unacceptable" views.

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Maybe you think a young, slim soulless shell suits you better,

when you see the truth, please don’t write me an excusing letter.

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Why not being proud instead that I am different and real?

I am happy I still hold love in my heart and I feel.

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​Are you scared of who I am and feel my love, light and power?

Then look into the mirror and wonder, why I give YOU the red flower.

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Your essence is for me the sweetest and most beautiful I have ever met,

it’s a real gentleman, treating me like a lady, and not playing roulette.

 

I am tired of this game of "nothing AND all",

in reality you know, we are juggling a fireball.

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​You are supposed to balance me, help me on my feet,

to protect me and to make me energetically complete.

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I claim, our spirits united is the strongest force there is,

but without your physical smile, I am weak and feel amiss.

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I want to reach up high,

but with broken wings, it is difficult to fly.

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You are destined to be with me and to learn,

can you not feel that this is the time to grow and to turn?

 

​Please wake up from this physical illusion and be brave and fight,

return home as a hero and do what in your heart feels right.

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Your essence will continue to give you bad feelings and pain,

 shake you up, saying it wants to leave the physical realm, not wanting to remain.

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Can you not grasp the importance of this decision?

I know it’s difficult, you have the physical blurred vision.

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Your essence suffers, because it desires to be with its eternal lady,

hold me in the arms and to create a baby.

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​My heart feels empty and my whole body hurts,

it’s difficult for me to speak and to find words.

 

​Don’t you feel the soft bond in the heart?

At the moment it’s painful, like a knife, oh so sharp.

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In your perception this bond is an attraction,

now that I was gone, can you feel it is pure loving affection?

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Our heart bond floods the whole planet with love and changes its frequency,

it won’t stop there, it will continue to flow into other dimensions ceacelessly. ​

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I am not ashamed to say: “Yes, the golden tears I cry!”

and I wonder all the time: “Why?”

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These tears are running down my face and there is nothing I can do,

stopping them is not possible, my heart collapsed, oh if I only knew.

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The doors for us are wide open,

even after months of distance, this monumentum is un-broken.

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Don’t you think one day you will regret,

you maybe will never forget?

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One day you wonder what might have been,

if you just would have seen.

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I wish I could see into your eyes forever more and see this joyful smile,

for an endless while.

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One would say, I am lovely and young,

there will be another man to come.

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But no, this equation in this case is wrong.

as Celine Dion sings: "My heart will go on!"

 

​​There will come the time after "death" when we are together,

returning home and resting in unconditional love forever.

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Indeed, our spirits decided already in the physical to reside in unity,

because at the moment there is no other opportunity.

 

At night, listen and you feel my heart beat,

because arm in arm we dream and sleep.​

 

I feel your physical presence and passion so close everyday,

we must find NOW another way.

 

​​Maybe we can start anew,

I am Stephanie, and you?

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Let’s re-write the story line,

and maybe there is still a chance, it will be fine.

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                                                     France, 14.9.2023